He began communicating sensibly and calmly, and sat down. Within a few moments, all the wind went out of his sails-all his vengeance seemed to melt away. Just as I had planned, I urged Hank to keep it up and say all the worst things he could think of about me. I applied this strategy the next time Hank started storming around the office screaming at me. I could remind Hank that frustration and fighting might slow down our therapy at times, but this need not destroy the relationship or prevent our work from ultimately becoming fruitful. (4) Emphasize the importance of sticking together, in spite of these occasional disagreements. (3) After this, point out any areas of disagreement in a straightforward, tactful, nonargumentative manner. (2) Try to find a grain of truth in all his criticisms and then agree with him. Instead, do the opposite-urge him to say all the worst things he can say about you.

The essence of this method was: (1) Don't turn Hank off by defending yourself.

Beck proposed I try out an unusual strategy for interacting with Hank when he was in an angry mood. In addition to urging me to use cognitive techniques to reduce and eliminate my own sense of irritation. This came as a complete surprise to me I hadn't realized what good fortune I had. “golden opportunity to learn to cope with criticism and anger effectively.

That Summer by Sarah Dessen